Opening Up about BPD and Bipolar 2 Diagnosis at Work with Anna (@cleanmylifewithme)

This week, Monica is chatting with Anna (@cleanmylifewithme), content creator and incredible mental health advocate with a mission to end the stigma surrounding it. 
Anna opens up about her personal journey, recounting the moments leading to her diagnosis of bipolar 2 and borderline personality disorder (BPD). She also delves into the challenges posed by the side effects of mood stabilisers and sheds light on how we can navigate conversations about mental health in the workplace, conversations that sometimes can be difficult and nerve-wrecking. So make sure you tune in to gain invaluable insights and perspectives from Anna's inspiring story.

Be sure to connect with Anna across her social media platforms:

• Instagram: @cleanmylifewithme
• TikTok: @cleanmylifewithme

And hey, don't forget to follow us on Instagram @getrealwithmonica and TikTok too @getrealwithmonica 

Transcript

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Hey friends, and welcome to Real and unapologetic the podcast where we fearlessly dive into the unspoken side of mental health at work. I'm your host Monica, and I'm here to shed the light on topics that deserve the spotlight that often gets swept under the rug this rug from feeling like a fraud to dealing with anxiety, burnout, toxic behaviours, period, stigma, chronic illnesses, and embracing neurodiversity. No topic is off limits here. Our mission is clear, break the silence and challenge the stereotypes, one conversation at a time. So make sure to join us every other Wednesday as we share our own stories, the highs, the lows and everything in between. Yay, it's launch day for the real and unapologetic Podcast. I'm so excited to be coming to you with a very special episode that I've recorded with Anna, you might have come across her content online on Instagram and tick tock, where she actively shares the story and documenting her experience living with borderline personality disorder BPD and bipolar two so she shares a lot of information on what it's like being on a mood stabiliser, and the side effects that might come with the medication to tackling harmful stereotypes around mental illnesses. So yeah, Anna is an incredible advocate for mental health and she's on a mission to end the stigma surrounding it. So you can imagine I was beyond excited when she accepted to come on the podcast and share some of her experiences with getting her diagnosis and navigating conversations around mental health in the workplace that sometimes can be nerve racking and difficult. I wonder, like how many of us feel comfortable to talk to their line manager or co workers or anyone in fact in the workplace about mental health or taking a mental health day off when they feel like they need it. I know that despite how great your relationship your professional relationship is, with your line manager, this is still a hot topic to talk about, especially when it comes to struggling with mental health. So during this episode, Anna has kindly shared with us some of her insights on how we can navigate these conversations with our peers, with our line managers or anyone around us. And doing it while raising awareness much needed awareness in this space. If you don't follow an already, please make sure you do because her content is such a breath of fresh air, especially in a world where everyone is trying to portray the perfect life. We know it on social media and hide behind the mask. So I made sure to link Anna's Instagram and Tiktok accounts in the description of the podcast. So make sure to check them out. But you can easily find her art clean my life with me on both Instagram and Tiktok. Also, it would mean the world to me if you can leave a review and share your thoughts with us on this podcast. But without further ado, let's dive in with Anna so, so excited to like record this with you. Because from the moment when I found your you know, your Instagram profile and your tick tock I was like, Oh my God, because I knew I'm going to like work on this podcast. I thought oh my god, I know is probably the best person to have on the podcast. Because you're all about you know, ending the stigma around mental health and raising awareness. And it's just amazing that you're you're doing so much work in like documenting your experience with your diagnosis and your mental health. Like it's just amazing, honestly, like well done for all of that. I'm just so excited to have you here. Thank you so so much. I can't have a compliment well, but thank you. I literally would have never thought anyone would watch what I do for real. So it's still sometimes a little crazy to me, but I'm I love it to be honest, like I do not have much time for it. But that time that I have are really put into that and I felt so honoured when you asked me to do this because I was like someone is truly wanting to talk to me just random German girl like That's so crazy. The work that you're putting into your content definitely translates into, you know, I think the community that you've created as well like I've seen so many people you know commenting, you know, in your videos, and it's just amazing like how you've managed to build that community, you know, for all people to feel comfortable to just be their true authentic selves and talk openly about mental health is just amazing. How did you like when did you start creating content on this? And how did you come up with the idea? Yeah, it was in 2021. Like, I started watching Tic TOCs in 2020, during the pandemic, because before I didn't really know tic toc was a thing. You know, maybe I was told, I'm not sure. But I then started watching it. And I was always thinking like, yeah, I would love to do something like that as well, like I was, but something was holding me back. I don't know what it was. And then I met my boyfriend and life went on. And then I started really struggling due to all the pandemic stuff. And my mental health declined so much. And I've always liked watching mental health content. But I always thought like, I sometimes feel like I didn't know what it was, but something was missing for me. And then at some point, I was like, why don't I just do it myself. Like, I've thought about creating content for quite a while and I thought maybe this helps you, maybe you will find someone who can relate to what you're going through. And I didn't know what it was what was missing for me. And then I thought, well, you can't find it out. If you don't try it out yourself. And then I didn't even I didn't even tell my boyfriend, I was just like doing really low quantity tape talks for like one and a half month I uploaded once a week or once every two weeks or something like that. And then at some point, we were on a birthday party of the girlfriend of one of his best friends. And afterwards, I had such heavy struggles. And I had such a great light bulb Burnham songs were trending. And I had such a good idea for a video for one of the sounds that I wanted to create. And that was the day when I started uploading daily, I then got a tripod and all of that stuff and uploaded one video de under turned into two. And then I somehow started like, I have to record all my content one at one day a week because like, I work full time and stuff like that I do not have too much time. And then it just happened. And at some point, at some point, I thought why don't you also like upload it on Instagram, because not everyone has tick tock I, I sometimes have I sometimes feel bad for uploading the same content on Instagram that I upload on tick tock and my boyfriend always is like everybody, just that you do not have to feel bad for that. And I'm like I do but I do not. I do not. I do not have time to create different content for both platforms, you know, due to working and I don't have to explain that to you, you work full time as well. Like you have very limited time. So that's what I kind of had to do. And at some point, like I went viral on tick tock with one video in January 2022. Yes, that had like 5 million views of like, what's that, and oh, my God, it was only one time and my tick tock followers pretty much staying the same since then. But like I don't do this for pay more for getting likes or whatever I do that because I am passionate about it, right. And at some point, my Instagram just started growing because I constantly uploaded three yields. And I'm still putting a lot of effort into my captions and all of that stuff, even though I'm uploading the same stuff on both platforms. And it was so crazy for me that at some point, I suddenly had 1000 Instagram followers, then it turned into a 3000. And at the end of last year, I suddenly was there and had reached 10,000 followers in December and I was like what is that? It's, it's so crazy. And I was like I'm so surprised. And I'm still like sometimes I'm a little overwhelmed that I have that there are so many people who find comfort in what I do and getting such nice metric messages for real I'm getting not getting a lot of hate like okay, sometimes you get dumb comments on reels, but my DMs are really really nice and like getting I'm not getting money for any of that right? So but I think getting messages from people telling you that you help them through bedtime. So something like that is worth it. Definitely all the effort you have put in all the time. Like it's really it means a lot to me and it's so crazy that it has almost been two years that I've been doing that oh my god, congratulations. I'm so so happy for you and you can definitely tell from your content that you're pouring your heart and soul into creating this and you know, I've seen you know how you're documenting your experience with your meds and you know, encouraging people or to talk about their mental health conditions. And it's just so amazing. I totally understand. And to be honest, you shouldn't feel bad about posting the same content on Instagram because some people, you know, you might have the same audience, potentially on Tiktok and Instagram, but not everyone is on Tik Tok, like you said, and not everyone is on Instagram. So I think it's just another way of raising awareness about mental health by just sharing on, you know, the same content on both platforms. And, you know, that's amazing. I recently started doing some content as well, but it's more around mental health in the workplace. And just like work, humour, corporate humour, in a way, I will check out check it out. I'm definitely into corporate humour, because I can relate to almost everything. I will take that out. Yeah, but I'm doing exactly the same. I'm recording during weekends and filming during weekends, and then I'm just uploading everything during the week, so I've got enough time, you know, like, I'm usually so tired after work. I literally can't even imagine starting filming myself after 10 hours of work, or whatever I can completely relate after work is after work. My time when I leave the office or leave home offers a sacred? Yeah, definitely like, yeah, practice what you preach. Yeah, for me, it's just so important that we've got these platforms available. Like, I know, there's a lot of negativity when it comes to short social media, and I completely get it like, especially for people that are quite famous, you know, they tend to receive a lot of hate online and a lot of bullying, but at the same time, it's not like in real life, you don't receive bullying or harassment. Like, I think the internet is sort of like mirroring, like, it's a reflection of what the society is, in a way. But there's so there's so much good, you know, like, the fact that I was able to connect with you, because I resonate with the message that you're sending on your content on social media alike. To me, that's fantastic. You know, I'm, I'm based in the UK, you're based in Germany, it is just amazing that we managed to find each other. And you know that, like I said, the type of content that you're creating, having having it available for people to consume it, it's just amazing to raise awareness around mental health. And as you know, like, that's what I'm trying to do with this podcast to raise awareness in the workplace as well, because I feel like I know, it's a social media thing to just portray a perfect life. But in a way, I feel like it's the same in the workplace, like people tend to feel like they have to wear a mask, right? And they're not allowed to be themselves, and they need to pretend that their life is okay, because otherwise they might be perceived as weak. And that's a total major misconception around mental health, isn't it? I would completely agree. I mean, I've been on the workforce, like, I have had jobs next to school and university, like I have my first job at 16. And now I'm 28. So, and I've been working this corporate job for almost six years, and I've been in retail before and all that stuff. And it's, it's really, depending on who you're talking to. A lot of people are really like, I'm sometimes like, it's just really you or who am I talking to? Do you know what I mean? Because I personally, I personally don't really give a shit. Like, I'm just the same like everywhere, right? Yeah. And I hate this whole, having something stuck up your ass that you sometimes need in the workforce, right? I'm sometimes really glad that I work in this area of mechanical engineering, because even customers and I'm the state's merger, right? And the customers and the people in the company and I feel you, especially when I compare it to other niches or people I know that work in other areas. I'm really lucky with that, because the people are so much more chill. Okay, I have a lot of customer like in Germany, you are always like on last name terms, right? You're like Mr. Maya or whatever. And I have a lot of customers that I'm on first name terms. And I'm on first name terms with almost everyone within the company. So I'm pretty lucky. Because I hate this hole in Germany, you call it lead screw tour, because you always say z instead of two and English. It's both you you know, that's a little I hate. Yeah. Yeah. Is that I think is the same in Spanish as well. Yeah, it could be the case. I'm not saying it's a sign of being polite, isn't it? Yeah, but I feel so old. When someone talks to me on on the last name terms. I'm just like, I'm not at all pleased. Comment on a please. It's very interesting that you said you feel like in the mechanical engineering space people are a bit more chilled when it comes to, you know, being a bit more open and being able to be, you know, more authentic at work, because usually, I think in STEM industries, they're quite traditional r&d. So they tend to be a bit more stiffens, you know, or at least I think, with a company, I assume, I think it really depends who you're talking to. And the way you're presenting yourself, because I'm always pretty chill, no matter who I'm talking to. And I'm doing the same jokes was with everyone. And sometimes this is a really good icebreaker. Because when you're too afraid to like, talk, like you want to talk, I think that creates a way more like cold space instead of module space. Maybe it's that I'm not really sure. But that is what works for me personally. And everyone is different. Of course, there are people that I won't do that with, because I know they don't like that. But that's what is expected for me and sales. Right? That I know how to talk to the people. But I think it has a lot to do with how you present yourself and the space you create with that. Yeah, 100% I completely agree. I want to ask you a couple of questions about you if that's okay, of course. Okay. What's something that people would be surprised to know about you? I'm sharing so much stuff about myself, but I've played soccer or football no matter what you want to call it when I was 12 Until I was 14, and the gods only team and I love doing Sudoku and crossword. Okay. I've seen something on Instagram. So yeah, my boyfriend got me and an Easter Sudoku book on Easter for me. And I love penguins. But I think that's not a surprise because I literally sleep with one every night. I love what's your favourite song at the moment and why it's unity from Ellen Walker, or Ellen Walker and his community. And it's because it has a special meaning to me because it really reminds me of my relationship. Okay, I love that. I don't know this song, but I'll definitely give it a listen. I just I like asking people about their favourite songs. I just feel like it tells a lot about them. I listen to music every day and I just I just love hearing about other people's favourite song What is your favourite song? At the moment, I think it would be Die Hard by Kendrick Lamar. I just love it. I like that one as well. It just for some reason. I kept listening to Kendricks album, his latest album at the beginning of this year when I was struggling with my mental health and I think it just it's more of a you know, pick me up whenever I listen to this song. It just puts me in a really good mood. I love that. Yeah. Can you tell us a bit more about your personal experience with mental health in the workplace? Particularly with you know, your diagnosis with bipolar two? And with borderline personality disorder? Yeah, of course. Like, I think there's a difference to the retail job I have had until seven years ago or something like that, and my corporate job. And I think I might focus on the corporate job because I've been there for six years. I have like the day I got dark first diagnosed, I decided to be open about it, because I have never understood why you can't talk about it. Like I had my diagnosis. And my My family told me Don't let anyone know. And I was like, Yeah, fuck that. Oh my god, like, fuck that I don't give a shit people can know. And of course, yeah, that's a big part of your life. And when I started my corporate job, I started with an apprenticeship but I was pretty open about it right away like not necessarily on the first day, but my boss and I were talking sometimes and at some point, I just told him that I had mental health struggles and that I had this borderline diagnosis because back then I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and recurring depressive disorder. And this changed to bipolar last year because it was misdiagnosed, but I still had like the symptoms of course. And I talked to him about it and he was like, Okay, good to know. And I was like, yeah, not that it would like impact anything here at work, but Just thought if anything might happen, because you never know, someone should know what is going on, because you never know a crisis, a crisis can hit you out of nowhere. And I told him I, I feel more comfortable if someone knows that something is going on and what it might be related to. And he was like saying, like, he was really he completely respected my me being open about it. And he was like, Yeah, I totally agree. Thank you for telling me. And if you need anything, just let me know. We love your boss. He's, he's great regarding Zack really. And at some point, like my colleagues get to know about it. Like I wasn't shoving it into their faces. But when somebody asks me about it, or something, I'm just like telling the truth, right. And there were some days where I came to work, I was completely down because I had a crisis the night before. And they were like, hey, and my colleague, Alec, or Alex was like, hey, maybe if you like, one of the one person officers that's free today. Just go sit there, I will take your phone calls. So you can work in peace, and things like that. And I found that to be really great, because whenever I had something going on, I was still at work. But I could like isolate myself, and people who are like me will take a phone call is over, I just let us know if we can do anything. And I knew I'm in a very privileged position with that, which is really sad. But I know about that. I don't take that for granted. And then during the pandemic, my mental health declined heavily. And I started therapy again, I went to my old therapist then. And I was like telling my boss here, I'm going back to therapy. And he was like, oh, okay, great. Not great that you need therapy again, but great that you can go just how would you do it? And I was like, why a video call due to pandemic reasons. So I was having these video calls, I could isolate for it, I could work from home, whatever I like. So I could do these within the working hours. Because you know, therapy appointments, don't care about your work schedule. And it was completely fine. I could just put them whenever and do that. And then I stopped at therapy due to personal reasons between me and the therapist. And then last summer, I wanted to switch therapy forms and went to my new therapist, and I was telling my boss like, Okay, I'm getting the opportunity to go to a new therapist. I told him everything about it. And she was like, okay, just let me know how it will be. And then we'll find a way to make it work. And I also then, because we had a switch in sales directors because all sales director was fired. And the commercial director for Germany and Austria took over our sales office here, because the sales director wasn't needed. And like the commercial director is like the right hand of the CEO. And I just told him, Hey, I after I went to the first thing, and they took me in for therapy, like I told him before, like I went to your doctor because I have mental disorders. And it might occur within the next few weeks a month that I might be able to go to therapy. And he was like, okay, completely fine. He is he was just like, I hope it goes fast. And you will, they will take you and fast and just let me know and update me when it's the case. And then it was two weeks later that they called me and we're like, yeah, you can come every Friday at 12. So I told my boss, he was like Friday at 12 is perfect, because we have a short day and Friday anyways, it's fine. And then I told the I wrote an email to the commercial director like, Hi, I just received a phone call. So I will be able to go to therapy every Friday at 12 for a longer period of time, whatever. And he just answered like, I'm so happy that it went so fast for you, and that you have got this opportunity. And I know about it. So just go and let me know if the company can do anything further to support you. And that was it. My god, I'm so happy. It makes my heart so happy. I know that this is a very rare situation and a very privileged position that I'm in. And it's so sad because I think this should be the standard, like everybody deserves to be able to take care of the health. Like if you're not a nurse or a doctor, nobody is going to die if you're not available for two hours once a week. Yeah, yeah, exactly. 100%. And also, if you want to see it from a corporate kind of view, right, an employee who's able to take care of their health and see the doctors frequently during working hours, were like you're not getting you clock out for these hours, right? They're not paying you for that but an employee who's able to see their doctors and take care of the health mentally physically, doesn't matter frequently weekly, whatever is going to probably going to be able to work for a long period of time for you and employee you can do that probably will have a long term signal at some point and not be able to work at all so it doesn't make sense. See that? Most employers wouldn't allow it? It just doesn't make sense to me. Yeah, exactly. Like you said, even from a business point of view, it makes more sense to allow employees to have that flexibility when it comes to their work schedules and empower them to manage their time as they need it. You know, when it comes to mental health, or even, you know, like chronic illnesses as well, you do need that time to manage your condition. And like you said, I think we're, we were talking earlier on about this, but I think that's also how you retain talent as well, in an organisation like, I would definitely, I would prefer to stay in a job in a workplace that allows me to manage my time as I need it, and prioritises, you know, mental health and well being, then go for another job where I don't have that flexibility, where, you know, maybe the management team is not that open mind that like, I would definitely go for that job, regardless of the salary because I've got the flexibility and the power to manage my time as I need it. I 100% agree. Like they're oftentimes people asking me like friends from my boyfriend, or whatever family or whatever, who are asking me like, you could make so much more money, because you're really good at what you do. And you can make a lot of money in sales, right? You can make so much more money if you switch, leave areas where you work, or switch companies or whatever else. And I'm always like, I have so much freedom, and I'm allowed to do all of this, and be open about it, I don't have to lie about anything, I have full support, can you guarantee me that the company that pays me better gives me the same because money is not worth my health. For me. That's so I was just so happy when you were talking about, you know, the reaction that your line manager had and your co workers as well when you know, you trusted them and you shared with them your diagnosis and the fact that you were going to go to therapy and doing that during the working hours like that. That's just amazing. And it shows how important it is to have these conversations in the workplace. You know, what I completely forgot is I started medication last November, right for my bipolar because my new therapist that I got last summer, realised that had a misdiagnosis sent me to a psychiatrist and everything. And I started my medication in November. And at the beginning, I told my boss like yeah, I will start medication. I don't know how heavy the side effects will be in the beginning, or when I increase dosage or whatever. So he was like, Yeah, completely. Okay, just tell me when you start them. And you're allowed to work from home if you needed if you need to take breaks or whatever doing work, because you can just let me know, I then started medication that in the beginning, I had quite heavy side effects. And I was sitting there and I was staying at home. I was sitting there and he was calling me and was like, Hey, how are you feeling today? Your salad medication yesterday? I was like, Yeah, I'm a little off. I'm not really sure. I'm feeling dizzy, and all of that. And he was like, I only do what you can if you can't work, just let us know. We'll have you covered. It's fine. And I was like, Yeah, I will try to work to distract myself from the side effects. But I'm not sure if I can read 100%. And he was like, Yeah, I'll say no more, I will tell you. Well, that's one of my co workers. I'm to take your phone for the day, so and then just stay home for the rest of the week. It was a Wednesday, and then we'll see each other in the office next week. If it's better than and then with every increase, it was the same at one day I was at work and out of side effects hit at like 11 in the morning. And then my boss had a coworker drove me home. So I would be home and would get home safe and was like, Yeah, I'll stay home for the rest of the week. If you want to work, it's fine. If you can't, it's also fine. Just let us know how it is. And we've been working with my dosage increases like that. And he was frequently asking how I'm doing, if it's better, and all of that. And I found that to be really helpful. Yeah, 100% you know, feeling like, I think there's this thing in the workplace, which is quite It really pisses me off the fact that we were constantly being told that we're replaceable, and don't get me wrong, I get it, I know that the company won't crumble because, you know, I left or you left or someone else left, I get it. But at the same time, I think it's so important to lead with empathy and show that you care about your employees like that. That's, I think that goes a long way, you know, and that's how you also build loyalty in a way Definitely, but that's amazing that, you know, I'm so happy that your co workers and you know your line manager were very supportive. That was actually my next question, because I know you are documenting on instead Drum about your journey and experiences with mood stabilisers. Is that correct? Yeah, I'm